Feelings.

I’m sometimes depressed in the mornings. It wears off as I get into my work. I’m not sure why. Maybe its winter SAD. I have had significant mood changes in winter before. I can remember living in Kingsford and going for long walks at lunchtime to get sunshine and often crying as I walked. Maybe its the rhythm of life, summer over, feeling busy, days are short and dark, everything is closing in on me. I didn’t have a great summer though, I was kind of depressed between the two funerals, so I’m probably going into winter without a full battery recharge. I’ve also got negative baggage about this guy that asked me out for coffee last year and then dropped off the planet this year. We didn’t really date, so we didn’t really break up, the cause was mutual caution, but the effect was enough of a dumping to hurt a bit. I just wish he’d left me alone. We had a study on bible-reading at home group, and had to share how we are going with it, and I haven’t had a habit since I left Sydney (I was reading at lunchtime at MM), and because I’ve tried so many times to start the habit and 9/10 times it fails (e.g. it was a new years resolution that didn’t survive January this year) I told my home group honestly that I’m not trying because I know I’ll fail and I don’t have the wherewithal to be a failure at it right now. My life isn't even that hard, I'm not a working parent or anything. It's just me. I will fail, that’s how it is, so what’s the point of adding unnecessary failure to my life. I’ll stick with things that work, like baking cinnamon scrolls.

I’m not down all the time, work is good, there’s lots I enjoy, anticipation is especially helpful, and all the nice stuff goes in my regular blog posts, but this is an update on the downside.