Having my own place. Buying my own flowers.

This is a bit of a jelssie post, or sort of comparing to many of my jelssie-days ideals. The things I've been pondering.

It's taken a while to appreciate all the lifestyle change of leaving Sydney. I have this frugal minimalist thing of having only as much as I need. Now I have more (space) than I need, but I have been able to share it. And I've needed to share and therefor had to get more things. This is mainly due to in Sydney I did stuff out, and in Maitland we do stuff in our houses. Out is too expensive and In is no longer prohibited by tiny spaces. In Randwick I sometimes had people sleep over before flights or after late nights, on either a fold-up stretcher or a makeshift bed of sofa cushions, on either my bedroom floor or in the living room. I sometimes had one person over for dinner. I've had more people in my house in just a few months than I probably had in my entire time in Sydney. Which is great. So I'm trying not to mind getting more stuff.

I decided to celebrate my anti-frugal-minimalism by buying a table. I've been looking in op shops, and sticking my name on old tables at my grandparents, but I decided to go all out and do what other people do, which is, go to a shop, look at a bunch of different brand new tables, and buy one.

http://www.1825interiors.com.au/products/dining/dining-tables/tuscan-small-extension-table/

I like the white/wood combo look because my current furniture is a mix of some painted white and some wood, (and temporarily some cardboard boxes and some pallets) so I think this will tie it together a bit. I'm not buying any chairs at this stage, I've got a bunch of mismatched chairs (white and wood) and some IKEA stools. Also it's an extension table. So it's still a pretty efficient, minimalist decision, but hey, I bought something brand new! When I get it I might dismantle my cardboard box and plank desk and use the table as a drawing desk... but the cardboard and plank desk is cool. 

My house has a pretty good vibe. Shower girls commented on it and that made me appreciate that it does feel like home now. I've got bohemian arty Girl of Slender Means things like my photo wall, and paintings not hung up leaning against walls, and my cardboard and plank desk, but I've also got lots of clean empty space, windows that I can see out of, my bedroom no longer has so much stuff in it because 2 pieces of furniture can fit in other rooms where they really belong anyway, so it just has my bed, dresser, and bedside table. I have the luxury of a spare room in which to throw everything I don't want to think about. There are things I'd change one day, in 5 years, 10 years, God-willing, like the white tiled floors that show all the hair, and the beige walls that I'd prefer were green. But everything is new and clean so I can't justify the investment at this stage, I will just anticipate. But in the meantime I don't care about wear and tear on things, because I'm not attached to the beige and the tiles, so that's also good.

My thing for 2015, if I get my job, will be a garden. Currently a rectangle of lawn with 2 small flower beds, 2 different coloured colourbond fences, an airconditioning unit, and a washing line. I've got a vision for a gardeny courtyard, and I'll pay some landscapers to make it happen.

I've been away a lot in Jan. I've been able to take advantage of cheaper petrol in Sydney every single weekend. Which is to say, I'm not very excited to be thinking about the long weekend and another drive. But easy weekend once I'm there. I think I'll stay home in February! I'm really trying to get my life balanced again. I'm going to restart Jillian, eat red meat regularly, and things like that. Go swimming sometime.

Contentment

A facebook friend who openly struggles with being single and having no children made a really helpful facebook post.

Why are some people content with life and with themselves when others aren't?

How is contentment fulfilled?

How do you know when a person is content?

I was so excited that she was thinking on that level. There were lots of comments with the sort of general things that people say.

…if your looking for contentment outside yourself then you'll never find it. . Its like love. . No one will love you untill you love yourself.

...being hapy with what you have,. 

These just don't resonate with me at all. I mean they are true to some extent, but they are about the end result, not the tangible things that you do that set you apart and change how you feel. For me, it's been deliberately recognising traps for discontentment and taking action. So I made 2 comments.

Such a good question. I count my blessings, like family, having a safe place to live, a job. I plan fun things to look forward to instead of assuming other people are having all the fun. I think of it as positive selfishness, or at least self care. Then I don't pity myself as much, and am more content. I get discontent when I feel left out or left behind. Hope that is practical.

I buy myself flowers. This sums up everything.

So discontentment for me is tied into FOMO, fear of missing out. Flowers are a good example. I could keep being gloomy that nobody every bought me flowers on Valentines Day, or I can analyse that. Guess what: It doesn't mean I can't have flowers. I can buy myself flowers whenever I want (and I do). I can be given flowers by my friends (and I have). I can buy flowers for others (and I have). I do THOSE things, and then the one thing that I feel self-pity about once a year has a lot less power. I'm not missing out on the flowers.

It looks a little bit indulgent I suppose to buy myself flowers, but at $5-15 per bunch every few weeks it costs me less than a coffee habit, and also why is it more wasteful or superfluous for me to buy myself flowers than if your husband buys you flowers? Romantic flowers are no more necessary than self-care flowers. That's great that other people have wedding anniversaries they celebrate with flowers. I have things in my life that I want to celebrate. Another thing, if you're married and you wish your husband bought you flowers but he's not into that stuff, you can also buy yourself flowers. We feel like society has a rule that flowers are a thing that go from men to women, but actually there is no rule.