Gloom and love.

I've been feeling sad and empty since Sunday night. It's been kind of on and off gloom for the last couple of months, because in a new place the second six months are harder than the first, plus death and stuff. It's very tiring. What a wonderful blessing are my close friends on twitter though. I think I should be being honest about it with people in my local life too, but when someone asks me how I am after I've tiredly dragged myself out to see them in the evening I'd rather put on a happy face and talk about Kris Kringle shenanigans than tell them I'm depressed at the moment. I'm hardwired to deflect difficult conversations and be amusing instead. So twitter it is. I don't understand why there are people out there who use social media to bully and abuse others. Thankful that my twitter is a happy cocoon. And physical manifestations of the love in cards this year, which I really appreciate the effort and thought and they sit around in my house reminding me of you. And a special treat of flowers delivered to work this week. I know I haven't been this thoughtful and caring and demonstrative when others have been through hard times.

Percy is happy coming to work with me. I just have to keep an eye on what he tries to chew.

I've made a bit of a 3-month to-do list. So that I can try and think about one thing at a time and not speculate anxiously ahead. So the carols are on Sunday (I think I'm anxious about inviting ppl to it and I'm helping with food). Next week I can apply for my job (haven't seen the ad yet but it's coming). Christmas (presents). Confirm housemate situation for 2015. Go to the movies to see Big Hero 6 with some people. Summer School. And so on. 3 months will take me to Feb (which is when my contract ends if perchance I don't get the job) and into what I hope is a more routine existence.