July: comfy clothes month.

I thought it would be a wise thing to take a week off work and do nice things and recharge, after a dismal first half of the year. I finally had my trip to Sydney. I didn't stay in a hotel as was my birthday plan, I stayed with friends in south Maroubra. They have a spare bedroom downstairs and separate, which was really private and suitable.

On Saturday I arrived and then went to Gs house for lunch with Denise. It was nice to eat her home baked bread, local charcoal chicken, and healthy things too.

On Sunday I drove to Maroubra and went for a walk and bought a pastry and hot chocolate at the Grumpy Baker, then went on to church at Kingsford, where my friends now go, sort of a church plant but in an existing church that didn't have much kids ministry and things. I saw quite a lot of old friends there, and caught up with the health scares and suffering of people and their kids.

Then I walked to one of my favourite restaurants in Kingsford, Albi's kitchen. I stuffed myself on a beef rendang meal, pandan wrapped chicken, and a sugary tea drink with green jelly worms in it.

I then decided to walk to Randwick, which is under half an hour walk, and appreciated afresh how steep the hill between them is. At the top of the hill is my old home, this top flat.

There was so much construction. The race horse auction stables on Barker St are being developed into apartments, plus the hospital is growing, so its cranes galore. Some new blocks of flats around too. But when I got to The Spot at Randwick I still loved it. If I was a millionaire I would still like to live in Randwick!

I walked back to my car, popped home then went to Wild St, my old church. I knew hardly any people there, and they were having a youth night after their youth camp. This looks like worship but is actually a show of hands for pizza. True evangelicals.

The music was quality and the preacher was Kurt who is always special to hear. He wraps up some proper theology, and he's vulnerable not dry.

Then on Monday I was planning to go to the city, but I didn't have my headphones, and it was an hour on the bus, and I was feeling really tired. So I stayed in bed for ages!

Then I decided to walk to maroubra for lunch, it wasn't far. But I found a national park walk to malabar so I did that and ended up walking 5km, which is a lot for a tired day. Oh I should mention that on the Thursday before this I had a Mirena IUD implanted under general aneasthetic, so hence tired, and I think I was still a bit crampy and off too. Anyway, I walked.

At the end I found a cafe on Anzac Parade and had this good wrap. Kate afterwards said it was the best local cafe near their house so that was lucky! We went back the next morning when we walked her daughter to school and I had the veggie stack she recommended.

On Monday night we had 2 friends over, Becky and Anna, which was fun. I started to get a sore throat. It got worse during the night and from Tuesday onwards I had an achy body and a sore throat. I drove home on Tuesday morning after the cafe and went to bed. And that binned my plans for the rest of my week of holiday. I was sick in bed. Not refreshing at all, just depressing. I had a cold only a month before so I don't know whats going on.

At the end of the week I did ahieve some paintings! Which was the aim. I had hoped to have a sort of painting holiday with trips to cafes. I did 2 small paintings. I repainted the first one I did, so I could give one to dad and one to Liz.

And I did another Tocal landscape, this photo shows it not quite finished.

I went back to work on Monday, pretty much well, but a bit coughy, and I was getting awful cramps. I wasn't happy anyway. I decided to get my iron tested, so I went to the Dr on Wednesday and cried and she gave me the rest of the week off as sick leave, which was good. I cried a lot on Wednesday, maybe hormones, maybe tired and sick, I just felt like I have had such a crap year so far, I've had 3 colds, a surgery, the mirena now giving me cramps and upset tummy, Nathan died, my holiday was wasted on sick leave. Full self-pity blow-out.

I went to Icky Sticky and bought some nice treats and had lunch and cried again.

So this is a beautiful camellia from my garden, and a candle, on my bedside table, which I think is nice to do if you are in bed a lot. The cramps were terrible all week. Never had such bad uterus pain before.

This is what I lived in. Loose dress. Occasionally track pants. My tummy was too swollen and sore for anything that wasn't elasticated or loose.

I now dress very casually for work!

I pretty much had a couple of hours in the morning to do things before the cramps hit and I went to bed, so on Friday morning I took some paintings to the framing shop and picked frames. I collected the large one and gave it to Dad on his birthday.

There was another highlight! JK tagged in a facebook competition and we won! Some hair and skin washing bars from Ethique in NZ.

I've been trying to get out in the sun every day. I'm feeling down that I can't exercise much, but I can walk, I can stretch, and even without exercising I know that getting sun on my bare skin in winter helps a lot with my mood and health. The middle of the days have been warm enough to go outside in a tshirt.

The weekend, I painted my nails, put on a nice outfit and went to Greenhills to do some shopping. Bras and use a voucher at JB and get things for a baby gift. It felt good at first, but quickly my stomach blew up, I had to hitch my skirt up, and generally struggled around getting things done so I could get home and go back to bed.

The baby shower was lovely but I went with a hot water bottle under my top and just sat there.

The cramp schedule was quite regular though so as expected it got better at 3pm, and then I had more of a nice time, and got my dose of sun. Still wasn't in a great mood for a baby shower, tbh being around all the people happy about fertility was hard. There are a lot of babies happening this year. It's very nice to be invited, but I really realised at this one how its something everyone gets really happy about, it's all joy joy joy and hope and change and excitement, and it's not happening for me. Singleness lacks those celebrations. It's the same as weddings really. But in addition my uterus being angry and painful was a reminder of how useless it is. Watching other people be happy is a bit sad.

I have to say that I cried a little bit when T started her thankyou speech acklowledgeing all the sadness of babies that aren't. That's the first time anyone has said anything like that at a baby shower in my experience, she's an incredibly wise woman.

Back at work on Monday I mentioned to K that the bar has been set pretty high for baby showers, boy did she agree, as someone whose whole entire saturday was taken up by the baby shower (they started setting up at 9am for a 2pm shower) and it's the 3rd one in less than a year and there's another one to throw in November. These baby showers are OTT. I leave before the presents get opened now. 

My car odometor hit 66,666kms!

I have a few poppies this year, not as many as last year. Next year I will plant a lot more. I thought I'd try a variety of flowers this year but I don't love them as much as poppies.

There was a voucher for 8 Youfoodz meals for $49 so I did my first order! It was good to not shop and cook and try out a food service.

So I had bad cramps for over a week and then just as that was winding down my stomach spat the dummy. Not sure what went wrong, and I couldn't get in to see the doctor, but it hurt a lot. Very sensitive, hurt to touch, hurt to drive over a speed bump. I still wince in anticipation when I drive over the speed bumps at work.

It really hurt for 2 days, and so I made an appointment with a nutritionist. I've got a lot of expensive supplements now, and I'm doing no dairy for 4 weeks, and trying to eat more vegetables.

I also bought a new pair of loose pants (Boom Shankar) because I can't wear my jeans anymore. My skinny jeans are off the table, my formerly loose pants are now my comfortable pants (but still need to be unbuttoned when I sit at my desk sometimes), so pretty much the only clothes without problems are elasticated.

The last 2 weeks my stomach has gotten a lot better, I have a bit of cramps or whatever every couple of days, but not really interrupting my life much. Lunchtime walks were making me feel a bit ill at first, but no longer. I did my first Jillian at the end of the month and that brought on some cramps, but my second one 2 days later, only slight issues. There is hope that the mirena is settling down but next week will tell.

This is my breakfast now! No more porridge with milk and condensed milk! It's a really good veggie and salmon bake I prep on Sunday, and get out a slice each morning and heat it on the sandwich press. I alway have some avo on it, and sometimes some greens from the garden. It's been such a warm winter that I still pick a few cherry tomatos!!!!!

Back to my art career. I really like this painting. The colours are murky and strong but I think it's sweet. I'll put it in a $2 frame but I kind of want to do a good big custom frame.

This is the custom frame on Dad's painting, the first one I did this year.

Work Christmas in July.

I was delighted to pick this up in the present raffle!

When I did a big shopping trip for all my health things like spirulina, I bought kefir grains on the spur of the moment. I am trying to make kefir on coconut milk but it hasn't been successful. Maybe the house is too cold in winter, maybe the grains aren't properly alive yet.

After 5 days of no dairy I rewarded myself with a dinner of asian (probably no dairy) food at Greenhills, visited the new T2 shop, bought a squishy drinkbottle from Smiggle that I LOVE, and a vase. Wanted to get a massage or something but I was too tired after just 2 shops, I needed a rest, went to 2 more shops, then went home. But I love my drink bottle and tea and vase so it was a win.

Elsie came up on Saturday to go to JKs birthday party (all cheese) and then we took my sister to the makeup shop to get a foundation. Her first makeup!

So that's it! Pretty rough start to the month but getting better. I don't mind the dairy free challenge, turns out theres a bit of freedom in just saying no to cake or cheese without the internal struggle of how much should I eat. Its none. I should eat none. I still have 70% dark chocolate, and chicken crimpy biscuits and that's all I need really.

Finishing the month feeling more normal, working 5 days last week and starting Jillian this week. Another month done!